Sunday, January 07, 2007


Vol 2. No. 1 CHICAGO- Good heaven's, a UFO...'scuse me a UAP - an Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (the new PC word/acronym we all gotta learn/use now)-was sighted hovering about 1500 feet over O'Hare Airport on November 7th! In broad daylight, too.

Pilots, ramp rats (the colloquial name for the guys who mangle our luggage), and other airport and airline personnel spotted the littlle interloper and watched as it whisked itself up, up and away trough the cloud cover, actually leaving a gaping hole where it punched out.


Now, I live in Chitown and really do believe in flying things that cruise around our neck of the spaceywoods and, though I've always wanted to see one, this particular UF...UAP...eluded me.


Seems it eluded everyone else, too.


The FAA didn't know anything about it till a Chicago Tribune writer, Jon Hilkevitch, screamed "Freedom of Information" at them and they admitted to catching wind of quite a few radio transmissions, and such, about something or other around that time. Ain't obfuscation grand?


What I want to know is what everyone wants to know: Why the heck can't anyone get a good, clear, steady, up close, photo or video of one of our extraterrestrial butt-inskies?


We can capture Rodney King's beating, Saddam's send-off, Britney's knickers holder, and even Michael Richards' leap into infamy...but we can't get a jiggleless shot of Mr. Peepers from Mars!


Why they're here in the first place is another question we want answered, too, isn't it?


Food? Water? An intergalactic quickie? Potty stop? Refueling? A Philly cheese steak?


I think they're here looking for something they lost last time they were here.


Their glasses.


Yep. They lost their glasses.


Makes sense. They hover around airports where any idiot in their right mind knows you'll never find anything you've ever lost.


They abduct people and perform all sorts of weird experiments that have nothing to do with science. They can't see what they're operating on so they just browse around internally; and, not finding their specs, send the abductees on their way again often forgetting where they picked them up and just dropping them in the general vacinity.


They follow our astronauts around in orbit possibly thinking the Hubble might house one of their precious lenses...or the work arm of the shuttle might be an earpiece. Maybe size does matter to these beings. Who knows?


It's obvious they can't see because they most certainly would have been scared off by capturing our television emissions of "Jackass" and anything on QVC.


From descriptions abductees have given us they have huge eyes...but no perceptible ears...so listening to Howard Stern or Rush Limbaugh hasn't phased them.


So I'm sticking with "Honey! Have you seen my glasses?"


And I know exactly where they are! Where all things end up...between the cushions!


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