Tuesday, August 15, 2006

How do you know which way to turn in the upcoming elections in November? Do you remain loyal to the party you’ve supported for so many years or do you turn tail and vote for the opposition?

Americans are at a major crossroads in their history and many questions bother them today. Questions like “Should there be more or less special sauce on their Big Macs?”, “Can we afford to continue to pay for cable radio when all that’s different about it is we can now hear each of George Carlin’s seven words you’d never hear on the radio?”, and “Will there ever be a twenty fourth hour on ’24 Hours’?”.

Who cares about weapons of mass destruction when there’s a new Pilattes studio opening up around the corner from the Baskin Robbins? Why should my child have to learn algebra when the hardest thing he’ll ever have to do is figure out the cost of filling his prescriptions when he’s retired? Isn’t that why God gave us calculators?

It’s time America takes stock of what’s really important and tell it’s lawmakers and lobbyists how our money should, indeed, be spent: on developing the technology to microwave the last few kernels in the pop corn bag.

It’s time to tell Washington that continued participation in the war in Iraq is not only a waste of good Humvees, but also beginning to effect sales of camo bikinis. No body looks good in a camo bikini. Except Catherine Bell, perhaps.

As long as Americans have the right to vote for a couple of more years, it is imperative they exercise that right responsibly by going to the polls and writing in the name of Oprah Winfrey for President. And Kirstie Alley for Vice President. Neither of these two has ever shot anyone, nor have they had sex with Monica Lewinsky. Vote early and vote often.